


All things Steve

by Totheendsoftheearth



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Romantic Friendship, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7115830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totheendsoftheearth/pseuds/Totheendsoftheearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This has been renamed all things Steve and will be captain America one shots :)<br/> </p><p>Steve x reader<br/>Some what based on the song please don't stop the rain by James Morrison </p><p>Captain America wants you to stay and join the team with him. He can't promise how things will turn out for the avengers or you but he will be by your side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Please don't stop the rain

**Author's Note:**

> My first dip into this fandom. I'm a newbie dyslexic writer so be kind but hope you enjoy. I just like getting my little made up scenarios down even if others don't read :)
> 
>  
> 
> Steve x reader  
> Some what based on the song please don't stop the rain by James Morrison 
> 
> Captain America wants you to stay and join the team with him. He can't promise how things will turn out for the avengers or you but he will be by your side.
> 
> "I don't know where I crossed the line  
> Was it something that I said  
> Or didn't say this time  
> I don't know if it's me or you  
> But I can see the skies are changing  
> In all the shades of blue  
> And I don't know which way it's gonna go 
> 
> If it's gonna be a rainy day  
> There's nothing we can do to make it change  
> We can pray for sunny weather  
> But that won't stop the rain  
> Feeling like you got no place to run  
> I can be your shelter 'til it's done  
> We can make this last forever  
> So please don't stop the rain"

You sat on the the office chair in a meeting room tapping your finger nails on the table, chin resting on the palm of your other hand. You were getting impatient now. You wanted to go while you still had the mental energy and motivation to see it through. Not really sure where you were heading, possibly your aunt in London you hadn't seen for years. At your feet was a bag packed with your measly world possession. You hadn't ever felt comfortable enough to make a home for yourself so never gained much in the way of possessions. Comfortable and practical clothing was pretty much it. Tight soft denim jeans, lace up boots with a tank top did the job. Easy to move in and most importantly didn't need ironing.

 

Nat had caught you on your way out. She knew what was going on the second she saw the bag and reasoned with you that the Cap at least deserved a face to face goodbye, even if you didn't say it to anyone else. You had become close friends with him through a morning jog where your routes kept over lapping. He enjoyed having someone who kept up with him both speed and stamina so it became morning routine of a jog then back to make green smoothies. Who would of thought you would of bonded over spinach and protein powder. 

 

However, this wasn't supposed to be permemnant. You were done helping them with intelligence on a underground fight club. A very elite fight club for no ordinary human beings. All sorts of weird and wonderful people from all walks of life and found themselves using hidden powers in the ring. The issue was it wasn't always consensual participation and ended in a lot of missing people cases. You had done your job. With your knowledge of the club you had brought down the people in charge and exposed those making big money from betting on fights to the death. The mission was over it didn't seem like you should out stay your welcome.

 

After what felt like forever Steve finally burst through the door. He did not look happy. You hadn't seen him look confused before, he was normally the calm and collected one. "Took you loog enough Cap I have a bus to catch."

 

"Don't give me that you had plenty of time to tell me where you were going." He frowned as he spoke giving away the anger simmering underneath.

Why are you just up and leaving? You weren't going to tell me? Did I do or say something to upset you? I'm sorry if I did it would not of been my intention."

You smiled at how he was apologising for nothing. Always the gentleman. You liked how he had genuine respect for those around him, especially women. You weren't just a pair of tits and ass like others saw you. He treated you as his equal. Guilt hit you at the realisation that by leaving in this mannor you weren't giving him the same respect.

 

"Of course it wasn't anything you said! You don't need to say sorry. I guess I should be the one saying sorry. Why does it matter where I am going anyway? I just figured my time here was up. I did what was asked of me. Mission done and dusted."

"Oh am I not allowed to show concern for you and want to know where you are disappearing to? Well I'm sorry for looking out for you." His volume rose at the last sentence betraying his emotions further.

You started laughing as he stood in front of you with his fists clenched. "Has the work I've done with you guys here not shown I don't need protection? I'm a big girl now, I can handle myself out there."

 

"Yeah I'm sorry you aren't a child I just....would hate to see something happen I could of prevented." His fists unclenched and he took a step towards you softening his body language and facial features. 

"There you go saying sorry again! Stop saying sorry. Just say what you got to say so I can go."

 

He hid the hurt he felt at your detached void of emotion response. Like these last few months had meant nothing to you and he had imagined it all in his head.

He didn't know that your lack of emotion and lack of good bye was you protecting yourself. You didn't want to handle rejection so you tried to become cold and detached.

Steve sat down in a chair next to you at the table. He looked you dead in the eye.  His stare was intense speaking everything you needed to know of how he felt but were subconsciously ignoring. You were now finding it hard to keep your emotions dead and buried. The way he looked into your eyes. In to your soul. Into your heart. You looked at the arm resting on the table. The strong solid chest. More than anything you wanted to feel the warmth of that arm wrapped round you. You let out a sigh "that's why we don't think to deeply and you don't do goodbyes Y/N. You have turned on the emotional flood gates now" you thought to yourself.

The captain placed his hand on yours that was resting on the table. The most intimate you guys had been to date. His hand complete covered your delicate slender hand. You felt tingles flow up your arm, spreading warmth through your heart and leading to your stomach....then even lower. He maintained eye contact heightening the butterflies in your stomach. 

"Look. Maybe you should hear what I say before you rush off. If you had hung around we were going to tell you tomorrow. Tony was going to gather everyone for an official meeting. If you want it, there is a place here for you. You are good Y/N. Really good. You fit in with everyone here. It all just seems to mesh together as if you have always been here and working out there on missions with us. We can't pass up an asset like that."

"Oh I'm an asset am I? Should I be offended or not? That I'm just an asset to the team?"

As you pulled your hand away he reached for it and pulled it back. His eyes still looked into yours. God damn it that stare was going to completly unravel you.

"Y/N you know I see you as more than that. I like to think we have become friends and I know everyone else thinks highly of you here. Especially Wanda. She enjoys a bit more feminine energy about the place. The offer is on the table. You have a place here with us. I don't know what exactly that entails or what the future has in store for the avengers. For me....for you. I don't know if tomorrow the sun will be out or the clouds will burst open and pour on us. Either way we are all a team."

You looked down breaking eye contact as you began to open up to him.

"I've never really had a place. I've always been on the fringes of things. Watching others live their lives. I'm just not use to this. It means alot that you guys would want me as part of the team. It means a lot that you would want me as part of the team." You looked back up into eyes nervous of what reaction you would get to opening up.

Steve brushed a strand of hair out of your eyes in a slow loving gesture. The tension in the room was building with neither side just fully spilling their hearts. It felt like your heart was going to burst any second with  It was that moment you realised truly that you wanted this. You wanted him. It took alot of effort to keep it together, you could feel you were slightly shaking.

The hand that had brushed your hair aside moved down to your chin, tilting your face up wards. You saw it all in slow motion. The Cap moving slowly in for his lips to meet yours. Timid in his approach, giving you every chance to call the kiss off. You closed your eyes as his warm lips brushed yours. He gently pressed his lips into yours. No tongue no open mouth just a loving action showing you better than words could convey his thoughts and feelings. Still a gentlemen even when lust was coursing through his body.

You pulled away and smiled as you looked him in the eye. Not knowing what to say you both just gazed at each other for what felt like an eternity, enjoying the moment and the closeness. 

Finally he broke the silence.

"There will be good times Y/N, and bad times. It's kinda what happens here no matter how hard we pray for clear skies, there are bad guys out there who will want to rain on our parade. Either way I'll be by your side sheltering you from what I can. The sky can pour down on you. Let it. That way I can always be the one to protect you, keep you wrapped up in my arms. You are safe by my side."

"Well it looks like I wasted time packing then. I better go unpack if I'm going to stay here with you then. Just quick question. Where am I unpacking my room or yours?" You smirked as he squirmed being put on the spot. "I'm joking! Im joking!"

"In all seriousness it took several months to get a quick peck. I'm fully expecting another few months  before I finally get laid." You kissed him with a smile on your face enjoying the blush that spread across his cheeks.


	2. Why can't it be like that? 'cause I'm yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why can't you hold me in the street?  
> Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?  
> I wish that it could be like that  
> Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours  
> Why can't I say that I'm in love?  
> I wanna shout it from the rooftops  
> I wish that it could be like that  
> Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours
> 
> I don't wanna live love this way  
> I don't wanna hide us away  
> I wonder if it ever will change  
> I'm living for that day, someday  
> When you hold me in the street  
> And you kiss me on the dance floor  
> I wish that we could be like that  
> Why can't we be like that? 'Cause I'm yours, I'm yours
> 
> Little mix - secret love song (there's a part one and a part two I prefer part two)
> 
>  
> 
> You and Steve have an intense romance, but it has been completely behind closed doors carried out in secret. He doesn't want your relationship to interfere with either of your role as an avenger. After you witness him dancing with someone at a charity ball held by Tony Stark, it comes to a head on the rooftop. You just want to be able to have a normal relationship. Why can't it be like that?
> 
> I have a Spencer Reid from criminal minds version of this songfic

Sat at your dressing room table you looked in the mirror as you brushed your hair. Your hair, make up and clothes were done so you were all ready to go to the ball that Tony Stark had organised in aid of his charities. You were sure it would be a lavish affair in mind of target rich guests to part with their money. Tony Stark wouldn't do it any other way. Be bold or go home. A knock on the door interrupted your train of thought. Your ball gown swished and rustled as you got up to answer. You turned the door handle and smiled when you saw who was on the other side.

"Hey, can I come in?" Steve asked warmly with a cheeky grin.

"Of course you can." You stood aside as he entered the room and shut the door behind him.

You looked him up and down pleased with what you saw.

"Well Mr Rodgers don't you look handome in that suit!" You beamed at him.

In the blink of an eye Steve rushed at you. His arms found themselves wrapped round you and lips joined on to yours. Your lips locked in a fast and needy kiss. His tongue found yours and set a rhythm that you struggled to keep up with.

"You...look... stunning....Y/N." Steve finally managed to breathlessly get out between kisses.

You pressed your pelvis into his and giggled into Steve's lips in response. 

Steve groaned as he grinded into you briefly before pushing you away but holding both your hands still. 

"No Y/N. We don't have time for this! Believe me though when I say I wish we did. So badly." He looked down into to your eyes with a hungry glare.

You stuck your bottom lip out in an exaggerated sulk.

"Fine then! I'll remember that next time you come knocking on my door 11 o'clock at night with ideas. You better make it up to me."

"I'll knock your socks off Y/N. Like you wouldn't believe."

Your eyebrows turned down into an amused frown. 

"Wow. You, are going to, let me get this straight  _knock my socks off?_  I've never had the socks knocked off me before, you will be my first sock knocking off."

"If you continue to mock me Y/N your socks will stay well and truly on. I just came to see you before we all went down and waited for our rides. Meeting in the kitchen in 5."

Steve took a step forward again and gently kissed you on the lips. "You really do look stunning Y/N. You will be the envy of everyone in the room and the object of every males attention." 

"What if I only want your attention Steve?" You said seriously and quietly face to face with him.

"Then I will come find you after the party if it's not to late. It's going to be killer watching you looking this good all night and not laying a hand on you. I gotta go now beautiful." Another quick peck and he was quickly out the door.

You sighed and finished getting ready to meet in the communal kitchen area. You wished more than anything you could of made an entrance with Steve but a stolen fleeting moment was all the time you two could grab. 

You made your way down the hall to the elevator then to the kitchen. You walked in to find Steve was only one to have arrived yet. He was stood leaning back against the counter top. Your shoes click clacked on the flooring as you went and joined him. Without saying anything he lent down and have you a quick peck. A hand came up and tenderly stroked your cheek. You smiled at another stolen moment. You both heard then saw movement entering the kitchen. Steve wrenched his hand away fom you so fast it was as if it hadn't happened. You felt your good spirits slump at the withdrawn affection that you swear you still felt lingering on your cheek. It was Bucky dressed in a suit and not even he knew about your secrect romance. The man who knew everything about Steve and even he was being kept in the dark. It's not like this was the first time this similar thing had happened but recently it was starting to hurt more as your relationship behind closed doors became more intense. 

Bucky and Steve became animated in conversation leaving you like a third wheel in your position of leaning against the counter. You looked down at your feet as you felt the warm moist tears starting to fill in your eyes. 

" Y/N are you ok?" Wanda broke your train of thought you hadn't even seen her enter.

"Oh yeah sorry I'm fine something in my eye. You made me jump." You sniffed and blinked back the tears.

"Ok well the limos are here and you have to see them! They are amazing!" Wanda pulled you by the arm to go see them.

Once you had arrived in style at the ball you were in awe the minute you walked into the huge building. If was amazing. The building itself was stunning but the décor inside took your breath away. It was something out of a film. Looking around was a sea of dresses, flowers, drapes and waiters bringing round drinks and canapés. An orchestra playing classic music was at one end as people danced and mingled. You felt a little out if place so stuck by those you knew from the Avengers. Sam even convinced you to have a quick dance with him once the champagne had given you a good dose of liquid courage. You made eye contact with Steve as you glided around and tried to flash him a smile. He caught your eye and smiled back. Your stomach ached with longing right now to be by his side at such an event. To be seen hanging off his arm. For him to introduce you to people. He looked so handsome your heart brimmed with love for him.

After your dance with Sam ended you thought you would try your luck getting Steve on the dancefloor. You went up to him and started chatting in a casual mannor fitting of just friends.

"Steve want to dance?" You asked optimistically.

"I'm sorry Y/N you know we can't. I'd love to but we can't risk it. I'll meet you on the roof at 8 how about that. Over there is the stairs that leads to it. We can have our own special private dance up there."

"But Steve no one will know anything they will just think we are dancing since we are team members and all." Your stomache lurched in anger and hurt.

"I said no Y/n. Please don't push this." Steve walked off to bring talking to Bucky.

Your face fell in disappointment. Silly of you to think you could actually share a moment in public.Your heart felt like a knife had been stabbed straight through then was being twisted when you saw what happened next. You witnessed Steve dance with Natasha. His arms round her waist her hands on him. Why does SHE get to dance with him. That should be you in his arms. It's you he kisses at night. It's your door he comes and knocks on. He even has a special knock when it's him alone for god sake. Yet he won't put his arms around you in public even when you have a pretense.

You hurridly made your way to the exit Steve had pointed out to you. You opened the big heavy door to find a dimly lit dank metal staircase. Your heels made a high pitched click clack noise as you headed up. Pushing open another big heavy door you were on the rooftop. It was light by the moon and not alot else up there.

A plastic crate littered the floor. You turned it upside down and perched on it taking in the view. The air was cool and crisp just what you needed to gather your thoughts to face the crowd again. The crowd that separated you and Steve.

You and Steve had not planned to have a secret love affair. It just.... happened. You had not been in a relationship that had been like this before. Not just how secretive it was but how mind blowing it was. Even if it was just watching a film to bring pounded hard into his mattress there was a connection. A spark. He had once told you part of him was glad he had been frozen as it enabled him to meet you. Here was a man who you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with, and you couldn't tell a damn soul. You wanted to shout it from the roof tops but Steve was wary. He didn't want him to affect the team in some way. So instead you had spent months grabbing moments when you could here and there. Sometimes it added to the thrill. Sometimes it caused you pain you couldn't go to him when you most needed him. 

A bang of metal broke your thoughts. 

"There you are. I didn't see where you went." A voice spoke as they came up behind you and placed a hand on each shoulder.

You tilted your head to the side leaning your hand against his for a second enjoying the closeness. You suddenly shrugged him off and stood up. A tear had escaped and rolled down your cheek luckily not taking any make up with it.

Steve's hand instantly meet the rolling droplet to wipe it away tenderly.

"Hey hey hey. What's the matter?" Steve asked concern in his voice.

"What do you think is the matter." An edge added a bitter tone to the line.

"Because I didn't dance with you?"

"Yes exactly that."

"We have been over this Y/N. You know exactly why."

"And I have blindly accepted your reasons Steve until now no argument. Tonighy I'm struggling. Fair enough not dancing with me. But to jump away when Bucky comes in the room. To watch you dance with another female avenger. Now that Steve, that is what hurts. Acting like I'm a bad smell hanging around when we both know that is not the case."

Steve tried to grab your hand and pull you closer but you lightning quick pulled it away.

"You think sweet talking me is going to work Steve?"

Steve tried again and this time you let him loosely grip your wrist. 

"No Y/N I'm not trying to sweet talk you. Maybe we should talk later when you haven't had a drink."

"I'm not fucking drunk Steve! I'm fucking hurting!" 

You turned your back to him taking deep breaths. 

"What is it you want Y/N?"

"I want you to hold me and kiss me on that dancefloor down there with everyone watching. I want to walk down the street hand in hand with the man I love. I can't tell anyone I'm in love though so everyone thinks I'm a weird loner bitch who needs to get laid. I'm yours Steve and no one knows. No one fucking knows. It kills me and eats me up inside. I can't do this sneaking about. I wonder to myself will it ever change with you though? If I can't ever say I'm in love what is the point in this? I long for the day when ever it might be I can be honest. I don't want to love you this way. I don't want to hide away."

Steve came up behind you and wrapped his arms round your torso. 

"Why can't we be like that Steve? Why can't we be a normal couple?"

"Y/N. I had no idea it had been bothering you so much. Just because this romance has been carried out behind closed doors, please don't think it means I care any less for you. C'mon." Steve held your hand as he pulled you back to the door.

"Get off me Steve what are you doing?"

"Showing everyone down there you are indeed getting laid. I'll knock your socks off on the dancefloor."

You smiled as you let yourself be dragged backinside. Butterflies started fluttering in your tummy in anticipation.

 


	3. silent night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve hated to leave the calm and content silence of the night, but duty called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry only a short one!

The vibrations on the night stand sounded like thunder in the silence of the night. Each loud rumble going through the night stand, the lamp down into the floor. It jolted Steve from the comfort of deep, peaceful sleep. The captain sat up and rubbed at his eyes. Blurry eyed he reached for the cell phone that had emitted the annoyance. Message popped up, it was urgent. He was being called in for a mission. Apparently bad guys didn't care for sleep at 3am.

Steve sighed and gently swung his legs round standing up, trying not to be loud. Days gone by he would of jumped up ready for action, but that was then, this is now. Circumstances change and his enthusiasm had wained. Steve stood listening to the silence around him. He didn't know what awaited him. So, he let the peace wash over him so he could revisit this moment in his head if need be. 

Steve heard a sleepy sigh from the other side of the bed. He winced hoping he had not woken you. He watched as you slightly adjusted position then resumed the deep rhythmical breathing. In the dim lighting he could just make out your features. You looked beautiful bathed in the moonlight. It was breaking his heart to up and leave like this. Steve knew you understood. You had met in the line of duty, you wouldn't be angry. That didn't help eleveate the guilt that stabbed at him. There and then he made a silent promise to make it up to you. Again. Perhaps breakfast in bed? No, in his mind nothing would make up for it. Every time he left the harder it became. The night time surpises the worst. He imagined your face finding his side of the bed empty with no warning or explanation.

Steve pulled himself out of his thoughts forcing his body to go get dressed. Fact remained he had to go. Once dressed as silently as possibly he went and stood next to the bed. Steve bent down stroking your hair. 

"I love you y/n, see you soon, I promise,"  he whispered to your sleeping form.

Standing up and tip toeing out the door he paused to look back you. How he longed to return to the warmth of the bed you shared. Feel the warmth of your body pressed into him. He could smell your perfume in the air further taunting him.

Into the cold he went. Away from you, away from the comforts of home. Steve pulled his phone from his pocket once out of the building. He punched in the number.

"This better be good. I'm coming in. Bring me up to speed." Steve didn't even try to hide the bitter tone in his voice at whoever answeared his call.

Steve knew one day that one of these middle of the night emergencies may be the last time he snuck away. Would be the last time he held you close in the dark. Last time to breath you in. Last time to feel such deep happiness. That was why he savoured every silent night he shared with you fearing the silence would shatter.


	4. small bump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Cause you were just a small bump unborn  
> For four months then torn from life  
> Maybe you were needed up there  
> But we're still unaware as why"  
> Ed Sheeran - Small Bump
> 
> Trigger warning pregnancy loss

Steve burst into the doctors office, forgetting his strength the doors flew open with force. He let put a sigh of relief that he had made it.

"At last!" You chastised the super soldier.

Steve rushed to the chair by the side of the bed you were laying on. He grabbed your hand and gentle kissed it before holding it tight.

"I'm so, so sorry Y/N. Bad guys don't care about personal lifes. I'm here though that's what matters, I got here," you could hear how sincere he was in his voice.

"Yeah well, I guess I forgive you," you smiled into his puppy dog eyes.

Before you could make him feel more guilt the doctor came into his office.

"Okay then Y/N, I see our MIA soldier made it. Great let's begin," the kindly doctor explained what it was they looked at during a 20 week pregnancy scan. You were now half way through your pregnancy. Half way to meeting your little one.

"Okay if you are ready now y/n if you can lift up your top high enough for us to scan," you obeyed freeing your modest bump..

Steve laughed as you flinched when the cold gel hit your stomach. The pressure felt odd, but you wouldn't sat uncomfortable as he used the ultrasound. The doctor laughed pointing out your bladder on the screen.

"Ahah this looks more like it!" A foot briefly appeared on the screen letting him know he was close to his intented view. You looked up at Steve smiling who squeezed your hand in response.

The picture on the screen moved to reveal two feet, then legs until an entire little baby could be made out.

"Hmm, let me take a closer look," the doctors voice took on a hint of concern. You watched as his friendly smile flipped into a frown. It was then fear stabbed at your heart as he stared at the screen trying to see what he saw.

The doctor let out a deep sigh. "I'm very sorry y/n but it appears that there is no heartbeat. I'm so so sorry there's no easy way to say it."

"But but but I felt movements just last night!" you tried to convince him he was wrong. It couldn't be right, it just couldn't be.

Looking over to Steve his expression mirrored yours. Wide eyed, mouth slack with surprise. Denial was hitting you like a ton of bricks. You couldn't quite concentrate on the rest of the words out of the doctors mouth. Tears pricked your eyes as he went over options.

You put on your coat in silence, your legs felt like jelly leaving the office. Steve had to essentially hold you uo and guide you. The car ride home spent in silence.  
Once back inside the home you shared with Steve you shut the door but didn't even bother removing your shoes or coat as yiu crumpled in the doorway. Violent sobs escapeded you causing your while body to shake. Steve sat next to you leaning against the door. In silence he held you to his chest letting you voice yourself best way you could in the situation. He knew saying "there there" would be patronising. It wasn't going to be okay. It wasn't going to magically get better. This was real worst case scenario.

Finally Steve let himself cry after trying to keep it together for your sake. He couldn't be the strong one today, his heart broken into too many pieces.This had been so exciting and all the two of you had thought about. Your baby. YOUR baby. But now it was gone. Ripped away from you suddenly and cruely.

Steve stroked at your hair as he felt his chest dampen from the tears.

"I love Y/N," Steve cried along with you. "I love you so, so much"

"Steve, what did I do to deserve this?"

"Oh my darling, nothing. You didn't deserve this and you didn't cause this beautiful. There is nothing we could of done differently," he attempted to reasure you.

It felt like hours had passed, you had become stiff from sitting on the floor. Your tears drying up having shed so many. Exhaustion hit you like a ton of bricks. Bed called to you, sleep being the only escape from this nightmare reality. Steve escorted you wrapping the blanket around you then switched off the light.. Steve had no words. He was speechless. The loss weighed heavy on him but the sight of you so obviously hurting tugging on his heart strings further. Steve was use to fixing bad situations, this one not even an Avenger could fix.

He stood in the doorway watching your chest rise and fall slower and slower as sleep took you off. Walking to the living room he pulled out a plastic bag. Inside with labels attached was a tiny Captain America body suite. Yours and his baby would never get a chance to wear it now. Using his bare hands he ripped it in two then tossed it to the floor.

He had no answears no solution. No plan. No goal. No mission. For the first time in a long time Steve felt completly useless. He felt like that skinny boy that couldn't punch his way out of paper bag again. Nothing was going to change this. Steve decided then he had ti be strong, for you, that was his mission. See you through this anyway he could.

You became his mission. 


	5. Strawberries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mission goes wrong as hydra try to trigger your soldier reprogramming buried deep. But is it deep enough?

Your back pressed against the cold stone wall as you listened trying to work out what could possibly be awaiting you round the corner. Your hearing was above average so even with the distant sounds of shots firing muffling the passage ways of the base, you could make out the foot steps. Whoever it was were being as cautious as with the lighting dim and occasionally blinking. A loud rumble vibrated through the walls causing dust to obscure your view. You were going to use this to your advantage as you swiftly rounded the corner ready to meet your foe. Through the dust you could made out the shape of a large frame so attempted to use the element of surprise and quietly charge at him. Only at the last second did you see the shine of metal as it came towards your face.

"FUCK!" You shouted as it knocked you back.

"Y/N?!" Steve rushed over to your side as you lay slumped against the wall where the force of his shield had propelled you. A strong enough force you had actually dented the wall.

You rubbed at the side of your face wincing as you tried to regain your awareness, it was quite a blow that luckily for enhanced you equaled just a strong punch rather than a killer strike. You stood up wobbly with Steve's aid.

"I'm so sorry y/n, are you alright?" Steve kept his hand on your arm watching the red mark appear before his eyes on your cheek.

"If that had been anyone else Rodgers...." you playfully teased him.

"Yeah well, good job I'm handsome then," a glint in his eye as he smirked at you.

"Pffttt whatever you say, you better make it up to me later," you licked your lips before pressing into his body and let out a hot breath on to the bare skin of his neck. You felt his body react to you as his pupils widened and his body stiffened. 

"I promise I will MORE than make up for it," a firm hand found his way to your hip and pulled your pelvis into his.

"I'll hold you to that Cap, you know that"

"Yeah I'm counting on it."

A rumble above rudely interrupted your less than subtle laced with innuendo talk as you jumped away on high alert once more.  

"C'mon, we better get out of here," Steve lead the way as you followed behind him finding no hydra resistance. A few bodies littered the floor, Steve had already seen to them apparently. Not that you couldn't handle yourself in a fight but he did always make you feel so safe. He had from the moment you had met him, even before you had gotten close you had felt calm and content in his presence. Every so often Steve would look back at you and smile as he watched over you. You were so tired and longed to get back to base and enjoy a long hot bath, especially if Steve was going to enjoy you and it was going to be a bath of the bubble and candle variety. 

You weren't as strong as Steve so even though you more than hold your own you would still get some muscle fatigue and ache after, and after the fights you had encountered on this mission you more than needed the relief. Hydra tried to recreate the serum but could never quite get it right. You were one of those 'not quite rights'. Well above average EVERYTHING, but not quite Captain America level. Bucky was the closest they had gotten and they were not happy they had lost that asset. And since that loss they had lost even more of their assets, you being one of them. You owed Steve everything. He had been the one to find you and he was the one who woke you up from stasis when he could of easily put a bullet to your brain. Watching how his beast friend has fought against his own programming, Steve hoped you could do the same. It had been a long journey to where you were now. Many humps along the way that involved restraints or sedation, but Steve never stopped trying, never gave up hope on you. You thanked him each and every day with kisses and warm embraces that he had given you a second stab at life. Somewhere along the line everything became blurred and it was such a natural progression from such intimate friends to intimate lovers. A bond forged in pain. Plus super soldiers were apparently DAMN good in bed as you found out, all that extra speed, strength and stamina put to good use.

You were close to the top level of the base, close to the exist and close to where the rest of the team would in theory people if everything was going to go as planned. The yellow glow of the lights went off plunging you into darkness. Out of instinct you reach out and clung on to Steves arm in the dark not that he minded. Finally after what felt like minutes, but was more likley just seconds, back up red lights flickered on. It cast an eerie red glow on everything around you. It was ominous feeling espeically as the crackle from the intercom system made you jump.

"Hello y/n." A deep, confident, almost arrogant male voice spoke out filling the building. "I know you are in here."

"Steve fuck- that's, that's him." The voice of your handler, you knew it anywhere, it haunted your dreams at night.

"It's nice to have you back y/m. You know I have missed you. Why don't you come find me? I want to see that pretty face of yours once more. Please, for old times sake. I am going to work on the assumption the answer will be no now you have found your new friends. Remember where you came from y/n. Remember who made you. Maybe you could do with a reminder?"

Steve squeezed your arm for reassurance as he kept guiding you, the voice felt like a gut punch. This guy had put you through literal torture. This guy had broken you to gain control of your mind.

"I think your Captain would like to meet the real you," the voice continued.

His voice began to fill your head as he spoke the first word. "Mars"

His voice burrowing deeper into your mind with the second word. "Eleven"

"STEVE!" you shouted as terror filled your eyes and your fingers dug into his arms. That was when Steve knew what those words were, they were your trigger words.Just as Bucky had his own you had yours and they were now filling the building.

"Red."

"Degradation."

You felt your brain start to cloud, you could hear everything becoming muffled almost as if you were about to fall asleep despite your heart hammering in your chest.

"Listen, y/n," Steve grabbed your face between his hands. "Look at me! Stay with me y/n! Stay with me." 

"August."

"Ashes."

"Y/N!" Steve shouted in your face this time as you failed to respond. Your hands went to your ears as you tried to block out the sound. You wanted to go to sleep, every bit of you felt like it was being pulled out from the top of your head. If you let it you knew you would be gone and SHE would be there in your place. You nodded slightly to let Steve know you were still in there, still fighting. A tear fell down your face, you were scared, you had never been tested quite like this before.

"Y/n," Steve spoke again. "Just listen to my voice and look into my eyes. Stay with me. Remember who you are and stay with me. Remember where I took you for our first real date, remember the park. Go there."

In your mind you pictured yourself there once more. Dressed in a floral dress as you sat on a blanket under a tree. Steve pulled out food and laid it out. You laughed as you brushed cream from a cake from the side of his mouth. "Remember the feel of the sun on you y/n. Remember the sounds of the birds. That is our place y/n. Don't let him take it away."

"Hades."

Your knees buckled underneath you and Steve worked to hold you up right and try to drag you through the passageway WHILE talking to you, "Do you remember that was the first time we kissed? Do you remember how you started crying because you were so shocked I would be interested in someone like you? How could I not be y/n? Look at you you are amazing. I love you so much and we are going to get out of here. I will get you out of here"

"Six."

Your eyes began to look glazed with the inner struggle taking place. You could feel her coming, feel her clawing her way in. You wouldn't let her. You had to win. You had to stay here with Steve.

"Steve. I'm scared," your lip quivered.

"I am to doll, but you are strong and you can do it. What cake was it on that picnic, do you remember?"

"It, it was a Victoria sponge cake."

"And what was on top of the cake?"

  
"Strawberries. Sliced strawberries. It was delicious that cake,the powdered sugar on them. When you kissed me you tasted of strawberries."

"When we get back we are eating strawberries y/n. How does that sound?"

"Recourse." The voice continued speaking as you tried so hard to bloke it out with Steve's help.

"That, that sounds good. Steve listen. Just know no matter what I love you. I love you so fucking much."

"I love you to y/n. But don't start with goodbyes. You ain't leaving  me, not today. I will take you home even if you are kicking and screaming. You are mine now doll, not theirs and certainly not his. Got that?" Steve pushed a hair out of your face as he stared so intensely into your eyes. One more word that was it. One more word from your former handler and you could find your identity ripped from you once more. You could not go back to that soulless existence. 

Steve spoke as much as he could not allowing silence as your hands remained clamped to your ears, as if he could speak over the voice ringing out in your ears and mind. Steve could feel your body trembling the war raging inside of you.

"NO! NO! NO! Make it stop!" You began to scream. Steve felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest he was so terrified in that moment.

The voice spoke, the next and the final word. "Gauntlet."  

Steve froze as you did also. You both went rigid in anticipation . This was it. This was the deciding moment. Steves eyes searched yours for a sign. Who was he now holding onto? He could feel your heartbeat. See the tears. But was it you? or HER?

"Steve?" Your voice trembled as you spoke not sure if you were dreaming. You reached out and touched his face bathed in the red light.

"Y/N. I'm right here doll, it's me, is it you?"

"Yeah, Steve it's me." You started to smile at the realization. "It's me! He failed!

"That's my girl! I knew you could do it! You are so much stronger than you know y/n. You beat him. You beat them." Steve delved into a desperate and joyful kiss. It was a celebration as he smiled into the kiss. He tasted of ash and you tasted of tears but neither one of you cared.

You broke away from the kiss, "c'mon Steve let's FINALLY get out of here. Please. It's making my skin crawl being here."

"Y/N." The voice rang out again on the speakers. "Did it work y/n? Has he seen you for what you really are?"

"NO it god damn didn't work!" You screamed as you ripped a speaker from the wall. You had won. YOU had won and you were going to leave with the man who has saved you yet again.


	6. 93 percent stardust -  infinity war spoilers warning!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING. I REPEAT, WARNING. INFINITY WAR SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
> 
> We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.  
> Nikita Gill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third warning IW spoilers.

Fourth and FINAL warning spoilers a head!

Pain shot through your entire body, so much so in fact you couldn't even pick out what parts of you hurt. For a moment your forgot where you were until a sound to your left caught your attention. You blinked a few times, blood dripping down in to your eyes causing you to wipe it away with a dusty sleeve. One thing you learnt was that many bodies on a battle field sure kicked up dust, especially in a climate like Wakanda. Last thing you remembered was Steve pushing you out of the way as you were about to be attacked.

THANOS! Your eyes widened as you remembered. He was here. He had done this. You had slashed, shot and punched your way through the army. You had watched as warriors beside you had fallen. These people who you had not even met before today, they had fought by your side. All fighting for something so much bigger than you, than this country, than this world even. You were  bruised and battered but alive which was more than others could say. 

You looked to your left seeing what the sound was. Through the trees you could see movement and hear voices. It was to far away to make out if friend or foe. You stayed silent and still accessing the situation. How long had you been out for? What had happened? Who had won? Or even worse who had you lost? You moved from your back to your side, then very slowly brought yourself to your knees. Your body resisted every movement as it had began to stiffen up. A very long, very hot bubble bath seemed very appealing about now. Grabbing a tree in front of you, you used the sturdy trunk for leverage to help bring you to a standing position. You felt sick from the pain. Every breath seemed to hurt. Your hands ran down your body, did you have a weapon of any kind on your person? Your search came up empty, any hidden knives lost in the battle. Ouch, you winced as you brushed against your stomach. Slowly looking down you saw the blood oozing even through the black of your outfit. The wet sticky patch spreading. You felt so dazed with your senses dulled. You remembered seeing Steve run past you during the fight, when he had pushed you out of the way, but you had lost sight of him.

STEVE! Where was Steve! You had to find him.You stepped forward and ending up slumping against the tree. The thought of Steve spurred you on not caring how bad the pain was. You pushed yourself away from the tree trunk that had been supporting you, slowly half scuffling half stumbling forward. You had to find him, you had to get to him, you had to know he was okay. If he wasn't okay....you didn't, you couldn't do down that road right now.

In your time away from the Avengers you and Steve had connected in a way you never had time for previously. You admired him, he stood up for what he believed in. You respected him. You trusted him. Most importantly, you loved him. Your relationship had moved fast and passionately once given the chance to really get to know each other. How many times had you been on missions? How many times had you been injured? Thought this was it, this could be the bullet to finally kill you. 

The threat of someone like Thanos struck new fear into you in a way you never felt before, you actually had something to lose this time in a fight you weren't sure you were going to win.  Steve had refused to have any good byes before the fight had begun. Only stating he would see you at the end. He would find you when it was done with a 'hello'. Mr Optimistic. You weren't sure who he had been trying to convince, you or himself.

Pushing a branch out of the way you tried to move as quietly as you could through the trees with no idea what lay a head of you. You paused and winced as a twig snapped under your boot. After a second you continued only for a tree root to cause you to stumble. Feeling so weak you struggled and found your self staggering forward clutching your stomach into the clearing from where the voices originated. 

"Y/n??!"

Your eyes snapped up to see Bucky as you just missed barging into him. Your head whipped round seeing more familair faces looking weary. Your eyes frantically scanned looking for one particular face, you cried out as your eyes landed on him, "STEVE"!

Steve rushed to your side catching you as you began to collapse. His strong arms caught you before you even touched the ground but your weight dragging him down to his knees. You smiled seeing he was alive. 

"Hey, y/n. I told you I would see you at the end didn't I? When do I break a promise to you?" Steve looked at you with such warmth in his eyes as he pulled you tight to him. Adrenaline took took over, you felt over whelmed with emotion as you began to cry into his chest. He was here.he was real. He was alive.

"Oh god Steve. I love you, I love you so much, I woke up and, and....I forgot where I was. Then I remembered. What happened? Oh god, Vision?! What happened?! The stone? Did, did he get it?" The words tumbled out of your mouth all at once.

Steve looked at you and just shook his head with sorrow on his face. You weren't sure which of your questions he was answering until you could hear Wanda's sobs. Both. Vision was gone. Thanos had the stone, he had everything he wanted now. 

"Steve...."  you heard Bucky speak. You turned your head to see, in shock you watched as he dissipated to dust. 

"What, what is happening?" You sobbed into Steve. Steve just stared at the spot his friend had previously occupied. Steve had lost Bucky once again and had to watch as the wind gently scattered him. His best friend once again ripped away from him. 

You felt a tug, a pull in you. Something was starting to happen. Your heart was being pulled at in every direction. You spoke calmly now in realization, "Steve."

"Yes y/n." Steve looked at you but his eyes looked glazed over as he had yet to fully processes exactly just what had occurred.  

"Do you remember, our picnics at night?"  Your throat felt dry as you spoke. "I could watch the stars all night. We had our first kiss under the stars. I told you how I felt for the first time under the stars."

"Yes, I remember? What about them?" 

"Steve look up into the sky. Keeping looking up into our stars. Find my soul among the stars. I love you. I love you so much." You lifted your weary head up as a tear slid down your cheek. Your lips connected with Steve's warm soft lips. Gently you pressed  yours to his needing to feel that connection. You closed your eyes  trying to be as fully present in the moment as you could, really savour every aspect of being this close to your loved one.

Steve could taste your tears in the kiss but he did not mind one single bit as he held you close. He had just been glad to see you here, at the end even if you were hurt. He felt you pull away from the kiss causing him to open  his eyes. To his horror  in his arms he was forced to watch the women he loved fade away.

Steve shouted as he tried to grab hold of you but his arms coming away even more empty each time. The panic not making him see it was a futile attempt to keep his grasp on you. Before he knew it you were gone to. Steve completly powerless to stop it. Returned to the stars. Your body broken down into the star dust with which it had been formed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who has seen IW? What do you think? What parts made you cry?  
> I did pretty poor writing this chapter but i had to do it. I've only seen it once so far and it being so big a film, so much happening, i didn't commit to memory all the details of this scene to write my own insert into the very same scene.


	7. Nothing's gonna hurt you baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whispered something in your ear  
> It was a perverted thing to say  
> But I said it anyway  
> Made you smile and look away
> 
> Nothing's gonna hurt you baby  
> As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine  
> Nothing's gonna hurt you baby  
> Nothing's gonna take you from my side
> 
> Cigarettes after sex -Nothing's gonna hurt you baby
> 
> This one is safe IW spolier free to connected to it at all.

Steve, heavy eyed from sleep, sat himself up right in the bed. His mouth was dry as he picked up a glass of water from the wooden bedside table and brought it to his parched lips. The liquid slide down his throat providing instant relief. Steve placed the glass back down then noticed how bright the bedroom was considering it was the middle of the night.

A large, bright full moon hung high in the sky illuminating the room through the curtains that had remained open. The fabric danced ever so slightly as a breeze moved through the window. It occurred to Steve that tomorrow night perhaps he would take you somewhere for some moon gazing. He could lay a blanket down, bring a picnic. Steve hoped he could bring you some peace during the night.

For many people the dark night brought peace, rest and sleep. For others it brought only fear and memories. The demons seemed to drawn strength from the darkness and grow in the shadows waiting for a sleeping victim. Ready to seep into their dreams and bring with them terror. Steve felt fortunate that he himself did not experience such night time intrusions. No, you had always told him how jealous you were. The minute his head hit the pillow he was out and would remain out until morning. Other's close to Steve were not so fortunate. People such as Bucky, and you.

Steve knew what nightmares sought you out, he knew all to well. Steve had been the one to rescue you from the hell hole they had been created in. Steve saved you, bringing you from the darkness into the light, freeing you of painful experiments and locked cold cells. Steve had gone from rescuer, to friend, to lover. Steve would always remember the day he found you. How you looked up from your cell floor with tears in your eyes and defeat written across your face, but your eyes. They held such beauty within then. The gleam in them caught Steve's attention and he couldn't take his eyes off of your own from that moment on. Steve had used his shield to bash his way through the cell bars. He had scooped you up effortlessly in his strong arms and murmured to you "that it was all going to be okay." You believed him. You had sunk into your rescuers hold, feeling his warmth and listening to his heartbeat as he repeated such positive messages.  

You still believed him now as he had never once let you down. He had been your rock as you adjusted to life now you were changed from your time in the hands of scientists with no morals. Steve had encouraged but never pushed,  supported you never berated you, embraced you but never smothered.  The perfect gentleman.

Steve looked down at the spot in the double bed beside him that you now occupied every night. He wasn't quite sure when it happened, it felt so natrual the progression of your relationship. Your arm was on top of the sheets and goose bumps had broken out across your flesh, made noticeable by the moonlight that shone in on you. Carefully, ever so carefully, Steve tried to lift your arm and pull the soft, cotton covers up over it. Even now he was looking out for you. The action caused you to stir, you let out some mumbled words he  could not make sense of. Lightly Steve smoothed over your cheek with the knuckle of his index finger. He bent down and whispered "Shhh" in your ear. Instead of the effect he had hoped it caused you to stir more.

Your movements in your sleep became bigger, jerkier, including your whole body now. It was a night time routine Steve had become use to. It was hard to watch as he knew he was unable to bring peace to your dreamscape. Steve had no choice but witness the reactions to visions he could not see or feel grow bigger, more violent.  As predicted the movements did indeed grow. You threw your arm side ways practically hitting Steve in the face. Steve felt so  powerless at that moment.

Your soft lip parted letting out a groan, "no, no. Please, no."

"y/n," Steve shook you gently failing to rouse you.

"GET OFF! GET OFF! PLEASE, STOP!" Violently you kicked and hit, but still you did not wake.

Steve knew from experiance how extreme the sleep aggression could progress. The time you punched Nat giving her a black eye. The time you attempted to strangle Sam when you had drifted off during a film. Once it reached such heights you struggled to snap out of it and could hold conversations and walk around, all the while envisioning a twisted reality. 

Steve held on to your shoulders gently pressing you into the bed. He hated it but you had to wake up. "Y/N!"

Your eyes snapped open wide feeling pinned down and trapt, screaming you fought yoir assailant. Tears tricked down your face.

"y/n, IT'S ME! It's me, its me, its me," he pleaded as he retreated from his grasp on you now you were awakening. "You are safe, in bed, at home."

"Steve?"  your voice horse and laced with fear.

"Yeah darlin'. ''

"Oh thank god." You erupted into fresh cries that caused your whole body to shiver and shake. Fear and relief rolled into one. "I was so scared. It was so...real."

You sat your self upright in the bed and buried yourself into Steve's chest. His soft t-shirt comforting as it helped ground you back to reality. Steve brought both arms around you, encircling you, holding you tight. He kissed the top of your head as he let you unload your emotions into the embrace. 

"I have you y/n. You are safe. You are at home. And I love you. I love you so, so much. I won't let anyone hurt you. You know they would have to get through me first," he spoke hushed into your ear. You nodded into his chest in response thankful he was there. He would be there for as long as you needed.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to go back to sleep," you spoke more calm now tears subsiding.

"Well," Steve had cheeky tone of voice. "I can think of ways to get you back sleep."

"Seriously Steve?" You laughed at his segestive tone. He wouldn't come out bluntly with 'let's have sex'.

"C'mon. You know it will work." Steve pulled away from you. Pushing hair away from your neck he placed gentle kisses on your skin. His warm breath sent a shudder of pleasure through you, heat pooling in your pelvic area. 

You pushed Steve back flat on to the bed this time you holding HIS shoulders down. Straddling him you started rocking against his growing member. You smiled smuggly feeling his reaction to you and desire for you.

You brought your face down to his and whispered, "Steve Rodgers. I love you, now fuck me until I'm so exhausted I sleep for days."

"Well that was a perverted thing to say, but gladly." A dirty grin spread across his face as he swiftly flipped you over taking control.

Steve didn't even bother removing underwear. Pulling his boxers down he slid your panties to the side. You swore you heard sound of fabric ripping. His swollen cock found no resistance as it slid in easily. 

"Fuck!" Steve pulled out seeing your juices glisten in the moonlight as they coated him. No hesitation he began pounding into you setting a fast pace.

You moaned in pleasure and anticipation, knowing he could go all night at this fast pace hammering into your pussy over and over. He would ensure you were tired enough that deep sleep would wash over you instantaneously when he had finished with you.


	8. Forbidden skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick little one that came to me when I was trying to sleep.  
> Steve is secretly in love with you.

The door opening grabbed Steve's attention. Looking up from the paperwork infront of him, his eyes made contact with yours as you entered the meeting room. Time slowed down as he took in a sharp inhale of air at the sight of you. You smiled to him, your whole face lighting up. Steve could feel his pulse speed up just by being near you. You walked towards him, as if floating in slow motion. Eye contact became too intense yet he still sought it, wanted it, craved it. As if it could be a definite sign that you looked at him as well. Any hint of attention or  acknowledgment from you that would set his pulse racing and his hopes flying.

It was always the same when he was anywhere close to you. Palms sweaty as he stumbled over his words. In fact he could be described as a quivering wreck around you. He couldn't help it. You had this effect on him the moment you joined the team. 

"Hey Y/N. Here are the list of scientists you asked for," Steve handed you the stack of papers from infront of him. To his surprise you didn't take them with you, you pulled out the chair opposite him at the desk.

"Thanks, I'm going to nail each and every single one of those scum bags," you looked up from the papers and smiled at Steve.

That smile again. Oh god. You then had to go and lick your lips. Steve stared at them as you repeated the unintentionally erotic act. What would happen if he just stood up, leant across the desk and finally felt those lips pressed to his own. Steve watched you pour over the papers. Watched how you would frown slightly every so often. How you chewed your bottom lip when thinking. How you tapped your pen on the table. Steve couldn't help but watch you.

There was no reason why Nat couldn't have given you this information. She was the one who did most of the digging around but with a smirk she told Steve to do it. For this he was thankful for he lived for these moments. His heart would rise and fall for these seemingly insignificant moments. 

He hardly heard a word out of your mouth during the meeting. He didnt have to be here for this at all. This was your personal mission not his. Yet here he was, helping you find any inconsistencies in these scientists history. Steve admired your determination. One of many things he admired, another thing happened to be in view. As you leant forward your t-shirt would display a hint of cleavage. Nothing obscene, but more flesh of you than usually seen. You cleared your throat and looked at Steve. His eyes snapped away with fear he had been caught staring shooting through him.

The forbidden skin spoke of hushed whispers. It spoke of longing and intimacy. It told stories from between the sheets. The secret moments that happened between a loving couple that were never uttered outside if the bedroom. A secrect life, a secret existence that was only known to the two people within the room. Hopes, dreams, passions. 

Steve watched your beautiful hand writting notes in a note pad. You put the pen down, resting it on the page. Without warning you reached out and placed your hand on top of Steve's. Steve instantly froze. Your skin so warm and soft on his own. His heart pounded faster in his chest.

"Thank you for helping me with this, you are a good friend Steve."

Friend. You used the word friend. Steve felt his body slouch as reality hit him like a ton of bricks. Infact, bricks would of been preferable, easier for him. Less painful. The smile you gave him and your touch fed him hope. The choice of words then ripped it all away. Such was the life of Captain America, hiding his love away from you. 


End file.
